I’m amazed at how often I encounter unhappy people on a daily basis. In the grocery store, at the movies, in a restaurant, and around town. And yet, just as often in those very same places, I encounter people who are happy.

What’s the difference? What magic formula have the happy people found that the unhappy people don’t realize?

The truth of the matter is that happiness does not happen by accident. Happiness is a choice, and it is one that must be made every day and many times throughout the day.

I’m not suggesting, even for a moment, that we should ignore negative feelings, or bottle them, or not deal with them. Quite the contrary, I’m suggesting that we should choose how and when to engage our feelings. We can–through conscious effort and willpower–choose appropriate times, places, and ways to engage our thoughts and emotions.

But it does take some work. It, too, does not happen by accident.

When negative thoughts, emotions, and feelings present themselves to you, there is a reason. But, instead of engaging them when they come up, having a plan that allows you to regularly deal with negativity in your life is the better option. That way, you can choose to be (and remain) happy no matter what life sends your way, while ensuring that you properly address any negativity that comes into your life.

To do this, the best approach is as follows:

1. Schedule a specific time and place to deal with negative feelings.

2. When negative feelings come up, make a note of them and then “stash them away” for your private time.

3. When you get to your private time, set a timer for 15 to 17 minutes. During that time, go as deeply as you can to explore and feel whatever negative feelings came up for you. Recall the completely. Cry if you need. Be scared if you need to. Whatever the feelings are, completely and fully embrace them. As you re-experience those feelings, go deeper with them to discover where the feelings are coming from. Be honest with yourself as to the cause of the feelings (see examples below*).

4. When the timer goes off, shift your feelings and thinking to a moment when you felt completely loved and happy. Go into those feelings of love and happiness. See the sights. Smell the smells. Embrace your love and happiness. Breathe it in completely. Do this for 3 to 5 minutes.

5. Take a final, deep, cleansing breath or two before returning to the “real world”.

This simple, five step process can help you deal with whatever is going on in your life. By allowing your negative thoughts and emotions a space in your life, you can honor them for the sacred gift that they are. Those feelings are trying to tell you something and your body, mind, and spirit need to listen. But you do not need to be controlled by them. You need to harness them in your life and give them a space without letting them take over.

*Some examples of “going deeper” with your feelings. If you felt extreme jealousy or loneliness, what were jealous of? What were you afraid of? Is it your own fear of being alone or your own feeling of insecurity or lack of confidence. Perhaps the root of your feelings goes deeper to something completely unrelated. Follow it where it leads and discover what’s really going on.

When you first begin this process, you may find that you need two or three private time moments each week, but as you gradually unearth your feelings and give them breathing room, you’ll find that you need fewer times for this process because you won’t build up negativity in your life. Instead, your mind, body, and spirit will know that you are honoring and respecting yourself by giving yourself time to listen to the deepest thoughts and emotions and learn from them.

Everything about you is a gift and should be honored. Only then can you realize happiness doesn’t happen by accident, and choose to embrace it in your life whenever you can.

[Update: Just started reading The Happiness Project. Perhaps it's worth taking a look at while you're out on the interwebs....]SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend