I’m constantly amazed by my interactions with people. It seems the vast majority of us don’t realize that we are so similar to other people. Instead, we think that whatever we’re going through, however we’re thinking and acting… that somehow we’re completely unique in that. We’re not that unique. Human beings, it seems, are very much the same on the inside. We just choose different ways to show it on the outside. Here are just 3 ways that I’ve found we’re all alike:

1. We all have wondering thoughts.

Driving along the freeway, I often find myself thinking about strange things that I hadn’t planned on thinking about. Things that have absolutely nothing to do with anything that’s going. Thoughts that are counter-productive or at least non-productive. For example, I was just getting on the freeway last week as I passed by a bank. Before I knew it, I was engaged in a logical “debate” in my head with an entire line of people at my bank, including telling them how they should improve their operations. My thoughts went back and forth between what I would say and how they would respond. And before I even realized it, I was deep in organizational analysis of what I knew they could do to improve their customers experience. Of course, none of this thought process was meaningful, productive, or relevant to anything I was doing. And yet, there it was. I was doing it.

I’ve talked with many other people who share similar experiences of wondering thoughts. The human brain is an amazing “muscle” constantly producing electricity and chemicals and firing synapses and building, creating, and maintaining memories and thought processes. Current research suggests that dreams may actually be the brain exercising itself, like being on a “thought treadmill”. In other words, our brains just like to think for the sake of thinking. So, if we don’t constantly exercise them enough, then they will exercise themselves.

2. We all want to be happy.

Regardless of our circumstances, we all want to be happy. Sometimes we are. Sometimes we are not. But what I’ve found most interesting is that when we are sad or experiencing some other negative emotion, we sometimes feel guilty simply because we are not happy or feeling the way we think we’re supposed to be feeling in any given moment. Instead of honoring and accepting our feelings, embracing them for what they are–our minds, bodies, and spirits telling us something important, we reject them immediately if they don’t fit what we think we should be feeling in any given moment.

The guilt or shame that we experience as a result of feeling “bad things” only compounds the negative emotions and builds on them, creating a snowball effect. The point of those feelings–all feelings–is that they come from a place of love deep within us. All of our feelings are there because they signal something deeper to us. They are the way that we communicate within ourselves. They are the trigger that connects our hearts and minds. Feelings should be explored and understood so that they do not own us or control us. Instead, they are one of the many tools that we have to experience a fuller, richer life.

3. We want meaningful connections with other people.

One of the main reasons I see people get upset or depressed or angry or whatever is due to a perceived lack of connection with another person. We see ourselves through other people, and we often mis-perceive how others see us. We apply our own filter (since we cannot ever truly experience life from any other perspective outside of our own). And we desperately want to be fulfilled through our relationships with others.

Outside of money and finances (which really have nothing to do with money itself, but that’s another post), relationships are the number one concern that people bring to me in my coaching practice. And not just romantic love relationships, but all human relationships: work, family, friends, and love. We even desire meaningful connections with total strangers–the clerk at the grocery store, the attendant at the gas station, the person we meet on the street… even if just for a brief second. We desire the friendly smile and the warm “hello”. Not necessarily that every person we meet will develop into a relationship beyond that simple meeting, but that each encounter we have with another is meaningful in some way.

What Does It Mean?

Whether it’s our boss, our neighbor, or the President of the United States, we are all just people. We have the same goals and aspirations, and we are on this journey together. Studies tell us that happiness–friendliness–is contagious. Sharing a smile and warm greeting are the keys to the human heart. Instead of waiting for another person to connect with you, try this for one day: be the first to smile and say “hi” to everyone you encounter, and hold the intention that you understand they are not so different from you. See what happens over the course of a day, not only to the other people around you, but to yourself.